A hospital was being audited by an agent from HM Revenue and Customs.
While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question," noted the executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the executive, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive. "Well, What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the executive. "What we do is, save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."
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The Secret is Out
A man is waiting in a hospital to get a vaccination, and he's very uncomfortable with the idea of being stabbed with a long needle.
After a while, the nurse calls him in to receive the injection. He nervously walks into the office and sits down where the nurse indicated, eyes bulging slightly at what seems to be an array of torture devices on the bench beside him. As the nurse prepares the needle, he tries to think of the most pleasurable things he can, to try and dull the pain he is expecting.
The nurse turns to him with the filled needle, noticing his obvious nervously, tries to comfort him with the words, "Don't worry, it'll just be a small prick."
The man jumps up, obviously upset. The nurse looks startled, but before she can say anything, the man yells out, "And just how many people has my wife been talking to?!"
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Holy Soap!!!
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser."
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood (the thing). Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells...
"Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
HAND WASH TOO!!! |
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What You Can Do With a Penis
A guy told a girl that the penis is the only thing you can describe using all 26 letters of the alphabet.
A - Admire it.
B - Blow it.
C - Cuddle it.
D - Double it.
E - Excite it.
F - Fondle it.
G - Grease it.
H - Handle it.
I - Increase it.
J - Jiggle it.
K - Kiss it.
L - Love it.
M - Moisturize it.
N - Nurture it.
O - Over stretch it.
P - Pull it.
Q - Quash it.
R - Rub it.
S - Stroke it.
T - Toss it.
U - Use it.
V - Violate it.
W - Wet it.
X - Xamine it.
Z - Zip it.
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Little Johnny Charged With Rape
Once again, Little Johnny was in trouble, but this time it was serious. He was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and although the crime appeared to be highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming.
As a last desperate move, the defense attorney went over to the witness stand, pulled Little Johnny's pants down and grabbed hold of the boy's tiny penis for all to see.
Turning towards the jury box, the lawyer cried, "Ladies and gentlemen, surely you cannot believe that such a small, still undeveloped organ is sexually mature?"
Growing more agitated, he continued, "How could this miniature member possibly be capable of even an erection, let alone the rape of a grown woman!"
"Careful!" Little Johnny yelped, "One more shake and you're going to lose the case!"
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Oral Sex for Birth Control
A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had seven children.
The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church.
The Priest explained that it was still considered a perverted act and a sin; totally banned according to their faith.
The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules!" |
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Caught in the Act...
Two gay guys were caught in the act in a public park by a policeman. As the cop tried to arrest them for their act of public indecency, they bolted away.
The cop pursued after them and managed to catch one of them.
He told him, "When I catch your boyfriend I'm going to shove this nightstick right up his ass."
Just then a voice calls out from behind a tree. "Yoo-hoo, Officer. I'm over here."
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What is Love?
The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the class an example of love.
Little Susie stood up and said, "I saw two robins making a nest together, I think that is love."
Very good said the teacher, anyone else?
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I think love is Fucking."
The teacher was shocked and told little Johnny to go home and not to come back without a note from his father.
The next morning Little Johnny was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do you have a note from your father?"
Little Johnny said, "No, my father said love is fucking and anyone that says it is not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with cock suckers." |
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Hats off to all MEN
If sex without wife's consent is rape...
Then by this logic:
Spending husband's money by the wife without his consent is a breach of trust
Taking money from his wallet is a theft
Forcefully taking out money with assault, from his possession is a robbery
Taking out money With a threat to do somthing is a extortion
Hats off to all MEN.
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